My task now is to seed the days, weeks, and months ahead with forgiveness for my shortcomings. To seed them with laughter and forbearance for, and from, others. With solace. With the blessing of enough. I will wait for surgery and dance in my heart, hoping for a good, long, soaking rain.
If you are grieving, contending with loss, living as well as you can with a chronic or progressive health challenge… then you know there are days when everything pretty much sucks. I have found that in the interim between feeling worse and getting better, it helps to have a plan to feed my resilience and build my sense of wellbeing.
We do not have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps in one swift tug, as if making that effort magically bestows the fortitude to carry on with day-to-day life. In grief we find our footing for a while and then the sorrow-tide rises and we are carried off with it. Little by little we learn to keep our lamp steady and find our new ground.
I have learned to keep my lamp steady in the face of mortality. Every one crosses a threshold here, the person who has died as well as those who live on and must learn to exist in a newly configured universe.